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04 November 2007 @ 08:43 pm
I have a confession to make. I spend a lot of time with my feminist hat on, ranting about how we shouldn't worry nearly so much about our looks, which are given completely disproportionate importance by our disgusting patriarchal society, and which are just one of our many and varied attributes. But I'm a complete hypocrite. It's true that I would like to see women in general worry less about their looks, but my own appearance causes me considerable distress.

Most of the time, I look in the mirror and think I look ok. Occasionally I think I look good. But I look absolutely bloody fucking awful in photos, and of course the camera never lies. I am ugly. Sometimes I bypass ugly and just look mediocre, which to a perfectionist is just as bad.

I can't see how anyone would ever love me or find me attractive. I can't even see how anyone would fuck me without wishing they were fucking someone else. I have no other attributes that sufficiently compensate for my mediocre looks. I am worthless.

Sometimes I feel like killing myself because I'm not beautiful. Today is one of those days.
Jessica Kornbergjaquelinehyde on November 4th, 2007 09:57 pm (UTC)
i think that in all of the photos i have seen of you, you are hella cute. i make the awkwardest faces and look about 30 lbs heavier than i am in every photo.

that said, i know how you feel but please do not kill yourself.
Samara: gonna dieobnoxious_muso on November 4th, 2007 10:09 pm (UTC)
I'm not actually going to! I know of at least two people who would be rather upset if I did that. I wish it to be known that the above is not a suicide note...
Jessica Kornbergjaquelinehyde on November 4th, 2007 10:25 pm (UTC)
well i figured that you were not TOO serious. however, i'd have felt obligated to go to your funeral and flying across that stupid ocean is not something i can do at this time.
Hannah: cameracymruangel on November 5th, 2007 10:34 am (UTC)
Cameras are evil. This is a well-established fact (certainly in my life, where it was generally acknowledged by friends and enemies alike that for 18 years (between ages 5 and about 23) all but one or two pictures of me in existence are entirely hideous).
Think about it this way: cameras may not lie, but often they only tell the truth about what you look like when stunned by hideously bright flash, forced to hold a smile while everyone gets into position, are possibly slightly inebriated and/or may not actually know the people with whom you're posing.

The better the camera/ photographer/ lighting conditions, the more likely it is that you will look decent in a photograph, as I have discovered.
But it does also help if you throw caution to the wind, try not to care about what the finished result will look like and befriend the camera a bit. (after all, nowadays you can delete the really rubbish shots) I already regret not doing it sooner when I look at the pictures of my time at university (and the general lack of ones with me in them, except where bullied/coerced/birbed/physically held in shot).

We will talk about this soon, since I know *exactly* how you feel. But for what it's worth, I think you're beautiful, and you already know that at least 2 of my male acquaintances agree. So that makes 4 of us already.
frethernefretherne on March 11th, 2011 12:57 pm (UTC)
Even without seeing you I know that this isn't true. So do you!

Think how I feel - photographs keep showing this grey haired guy.
>>I can't even see how anyone would fuck me without wishing they were fucking someone else<<
That might be true but not if they are making love to you.