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28 September 2007 @ 10:22 am
 
Anybody who's ever worked in an office will be familiar with franking label salespeople. Someone will call the office and parrot a script along the lines of, "Hi, this is so-and-so from such-and-such a company, can you tell me how many franking labels you've got at the moment? Do you need any more?" This is designed to sound like a friendly courtesy call from the company that your company always uses for their franking label needs and to trick the person on the end of the phone into ordering labels from the wrong people. One of my colleagues fell for it yesterday afternoon - he took a call, put someone on hold, asked how we were all doing for franking labels and we all said, "No, no, get rid of them, it's a total con!"

But how to get rid of them? How to get rid of them in the most fun way possible? Well, we came up with some ideas...

Conduct the above without actually putting them on hold
"What are you wearing?"
Heavy breathing
"Franking labels get me so HOT"
"We don't have a franking machine - we use carrier pigeons instead"
"I'm afraid this is a very bad time. One of our directors died in a horrific franking machine-related accident yesterday"
"I like to put franking labels down my pants because I love the sticky sensation"
"Can I interest you in advertising in Classical Music magazine?"
"Sorry, our franking machine is being exorcised today"
"I'm terribly sorry, I've just come"
"Are they from sustainable forests?"
"Que?"


Any further suggestions?
 
 
 
Jessica Kornbergjaquelinehyde on September 28th, 2007 01:46 pm (UTC)
i always get those types of calls from printer toner people. they ask what type of printer i use and then send us like 10 cartridges and bill us 300 bucks for them. how is that remotely legal?
stewtheking on September 28th, 2007 09:43 pm (UTC)
My current favourite is to pretend that you are old and senile. Reply to any statement or question that the caller makes by repeating back the most "modern" word they use, in a slow ponderous questioning manner. Absolutely infuriating for them.
Hannah: typewritercymruangel on October 1st, 2007 09:05 am (UTC)
I like "Que?". There should be a challenge to respond only with lines from comedy programmes (Que reminded me of Fawlty Towers...)

My dad's patented method of dealing with cold callers (usually from banks) is to listen very carefully to the spiel, encourage the caller to tell you all about the product, and then say "Well, no, I don't think that's really for me" and promptly hang up. It's almost a counter-con really, kidding them that you're interested.

However, my favourite was my friend Matthew, who in response to the question "Are you at home?" answered, perfectly truthfully, that he was sat in his editing suite with a camera and two girls on the bed (we, of course, giggled on cue). I bet that one makes it onto the list of 'calls used for training purposes'! Sadly, that one is quite specific and may not work so well in the offices of Classical Music magazine.